Imagine penguins armed with brass knuckles challenging chickens over supremacy in the bird world. The sworn enemies meet on a rough and snowy battlefield to settle their dispute once and for all. Then all of a sudden a special squad of T-Rex’s comes into play.
And when this chaos with prehistoric lizards and savage, heartless birds couldn’t get any more absurd, the Santa Claus SWAT team appears on the scene to finalize the slaughter.
Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator specializes in that kind of ridiculous violence.
Every penguin for himself
UEBS is that type of game that allows you to have your own amphitheater and your very own gladiators. The units available include:
- Giant ogres & Orcs.
- Skeleton warriors.
- Persian Immortal guards.
- Elven huntresses.
- Giant Cyclops.
And a godlike, undefeatable Lord Penguin.
The idea is to form at least two armies, combined of the above-mentioned units, put them in a location of choice and finally allow them to beat the souls out of each other. If you ever wondered how long medieval knights would last against assault rifles or how many roosters it takes to liquidate a kangaroo – UEBS may share this sacred knowledge with you.
However don’t be fooled by those military aesthetics – the game is not a strategy. Basically, you have two pedals here: Attack/Hold Position orders. And as soon as you have provided your brutal minions with instructions, they will fervently follow them.
When the preparations are finished, sit back, relax and let the slaughter go. A variety of characters allows you to arrange breathtaking epic battles, but let’s be honest it could’ve featured more of them. For example, it would be awesome to have Ronald McDonald or Colonel Sanders (KFC founder) unit models too. So the poor chickens could finally resolve their conflict with those, who produce nuggets. Once and for all.
What makes you want to give up on UEBS download though is its graphics. And not because they look and feel overly simplistic – Fortnite is a cartoonish game, but it’s still awesome. No, the biggest issue is the stuttering fps, which becomes absolutely painful to watch when your unit numbers reach 10, 000.
The low-poly structure and character models, however, risk to quickly become an eyesore too. Although it’s hilarious to observe their plastic-like bodies getting disintegrated and absurdity becomes even more tangible when you notice that the shade effects are almost nonexistent in UEBS. It makes an illusion that the chubby penguin bodies are levitating in the air.
Most of the time you’ll be present in the game as merely a spectator. The cinematic mode allows you to watch the picture of death and chaos you’ve crafted manually from any angle.
But if you are curious about what it feels like to be one of those low-poly gladiators – Possession mod will come to the rescue! You can take control of any unit amidst the battle, but the joy value from doing so is dubious: the combat mechanics are very undercooked in UEBS.
Besides no competitive multiplayer is available at the moment.
Mama’s little Nero
UEBS download costs $14,99 on Steam. And it should be mentioned that the game could be worth every penny from that price-tag if it wasn’t for… all the complaints mentioned above.
Seriously: absent battle mechanics, no room for strategizing, no unlockable content, regular events, campaigns and so on prove only one thing: UEBS is quite raw yet.
Nonetheless, the goofy sense of humor and gut-busting battles that you can architect in it can be very captivating.
Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator is a gladiator. Give it thumbs up or thumbs down like Nero. It’s up to you if the game lives or dies.